In my June update, I suggested that this July 2020 update was going to be dull. And I was very right about that…

But also very wrong!

In terms of treatment, July 2020 was so dull that even dishwater is bored. Literally the only thing that happened was that the date for my MRI Scan was moved from the 15th of July to the 5th of August. And, while this lined up beautifully with the meeting with my oncologist on the 19th of August, it did mean there would be nothing in the way of progress to report on.

Until, that is, until around the 22nd of July, when I realised that I was depressed again.

This might not come as much of a shock to you. After all, it was only in February that I was apologising for missing a bunch of posts, largely due to stress. And it was around a year ago, in my June 2019 update, that I was talking about the free-floating anxiety that had beset me.

Frankly, this has been coming for a while…

It still completely surprised me, though!

And, in a very short period of time, it completely shut me down.

I was supposed to be writing a novel, exercising and keeping the weight off. Instead, I’ve written not so much as a word of my book (although I did get to do a healthy amount of planning), I’ve stopped exercising and the weight is piling on again. Mainly due to my poor relationship with food when I’m feeling down.

I was initially reluctant to seek medication because I was worried that the drugs would leave me unable to write. It didn’t take too long (by my standards) to realise that I was already unable to write…!

So I called my GP and talked her through my situation. I explained that I’d been on Citalopram the last time I’d been depressed but didn’t find it particularly user friendly. [I go into the details of why in my post about depression after bowel cancer, so I won’t go into detail here.]

Which is why I was interested in trying something new. My only stipulation being that I didn’t want it have weight gain as one of the side effects.

The last thing I wanted was for my waist to expand any more than it already had…!
Image by lloorraa from Pixabay

The Doctor didn’t seemed thrilled by this stipulation, as she’d been going to recommend Mirtazapine (I think), which is famous for its weight-increasing ways. So, instead, she recommended Sertraline. Which, as far as I was concerned, was perfect. It was Sertraline that my previous GP had moved me on to, after I finished with the Citalopram. Not that I took it…

Even so, that both Doctors had recommended the same medication made me feel comfortable that it was the right one for me. So I started taking it a few days ago. I’m to take 50mg a day for the first week and then 100mg thereafter, until a follow-up consultation. Assuming, that is, that I get over Mirtazapine’s side effects. Although, the only one I have any concern with is the sleep disruption.

Mirtazapine has the tenancy to keep you awake at night, something I need no help with! Which is why, I’ll need to take it as soon as I get up.

So, there we have it: as of July 2020, I’m back on the antidepressants.


Hopefully I won’t need to be on them for long, as I’ll have the results of my scans by the end of next month. As such, I should know where I stand, and the depression might ease.

In the meantime, however, I fear that it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to maintain my regular posting schedule.

Sorry about that.

You know, after six years of intermittent treatment, you’d think that I’d be used to this by now…

2 thoughts on “July 2020 Update and Depression”

  1. Sorry to hear about your depression returning. I asked my doctor for something to help me sleep and she gave me mirtazapine which promptly gave me the feeling of wanting to get out of my own skin! Horrible medicine, glad you stopped it! I have had some luck with GABA for depression, just a thought. Sorry to report that my husband passed away a month ago, and not from cancer, as I would have expected. Something called Korsakoff’s disease got him. So I guess all I can say to you is live every day to the fullest! God bless you.

    1. I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you.

      And thank you for your suggestion of GABA, it’s so generous of you to do so at such a difficult time. It’s really appreciated.

      Fortunately, my meds finally seem to be kicking in, but I’ll certainly make a note of GABA for the future.

      In the meantime, I wish you well.

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